I am a young aspiring author in the Young Adult genre. Could you please rate this short story I wrote /10..?

your story is a bit awkward because it is so quick and choppy. you may want to go in more detail about Susan herself, and describe what she thought was gonna happen that night. in addition, the bat thing was very off topic. try to hint at the beginning that the people were a bit weird. might help... also, Susans reaction to the bat secret was unexpected and unrealistic. i know this is oviously fiction, but i think she should have been a bit more frightened. also, keep writing. the ending was dull, and i want to know more. hope this helped. i am a writer as well.