I'm almost positive I'm bipolar. :/?

I just have way to many thoughts going threw my head and just suicidal. I think it's affecting my work (bad!) but I really dislike being in these moods I try everything I can but nothing helps when I get this low. I did 6 canisters of NOS and lots of shots last night just to make me not be able to think. I just don't want to relapse on pills and go that rout with my life. The worst part is I have no one to talk to and I just don't know where I can go for help..